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Saturday, October 24th, 2009
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2:47 pm - OMG!!!
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OMG, I just saw the most awesome thing ever!
I was outside raking after taking down the front section of fence, right, and one of the times when i pulled the rake back, I saw this little while thing. I knew it was an egg, because it was too smooth and rounded to be a rock. I figured it was a lizard egg too, because it was too small to be a bird's, plus I'd found it pulling UP dirt, not on top of it... so... like any overly fascinated person would do, I scooped up the egg and set it on a safe area of the sidewalk next to the house, thinking it was likely a dead egg.
When I was done doing my yard work for the day, I picked up the egg and the walnut shell I'd found (how I found one of those, I will never know, as there are no walnut trees -to the best of my knowledge- around here, but anyway)... so yeah, I picked em both up and came inside, putting them on a small table by the door, while I went and took a shower.
So once I'm all dressed and such, I figure I'll take a look at the egg, right, cuz now I'm not wearing my garden gloves. So I go to pick it up, and I feel it squish a little, and feel a little wetness. I drop the thing back on the table and think- crap, I've killed it. If it wasn't dead before, it sure as hell is now....
So... I grabbed a flashlight and rolled it over a tiny bit with my finger, just to see- sure enough, there's a slit in the side of the egg..
Then, curiosity being my middle name, I went and got my exacto knife from my art table. I mean, if it was dead, might as well see what it looks like, right??
So I go to roll it over again with the blade, gently, of course, cuz I don't want to break the shell any more than I have at the moment, and damned if the slit in the shell wasn't a bit bigger. At which point, I lost touch, and had to try to roll it over again.
Then the most amazing thing happened- as I rolled it over, I saw the tip of a nose. THEN I realized it was MOVING!
The little guy was actually HATCHING!
And I was RIGHT THERE to see it!!!! (and promptly usher him outside where he stood a better chance of surviving, of course)
But, OMG, isn't that just awesome??
Sqee!
current mood:  ecstatic
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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3:39 am - A Grudge vs. Experience
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Yup. I did promise an entry on the difference between the two, and as I've a- nothing better to do, and b- nothing I'm in the mood to do because I feel like doing about 5 things at once, I decided I might as well go ahead and take care of this one.
The main reason for this is because there is someone who actually thinks I harbor some grudge against them for things that happened in the recent (last few months) past. This could not be further from the truth.
Here is why.
Holding a grudge indicates one or more of the follwoing:
1. Actively seeking to cause negativity in another's life in some way, shape or form.
2. While not actively seeking to cause negativity, a willingness to do so by taking advantage should the opportunity happen to present itself.
and
3. While neither actively seeking to cause negativity, nor being willing to take advantage of an opportunity to do so should one happen to arise, the wishing of negativity to occur for said other person/s.
With those qualifiers established, I am NOT actively seeking to cause negative energies to enter into this person's life, I am NOT going to take advantage of any opportunity to do so should one happen to arise, and I do NOT wish or desire negativity for this person. There's no point.
In truth, I hope that his business and creative endeavors succeed and he is able to do what he wants. I wish the very best for him. In fact, my early relationship with him did play a part in helping to inspire me for some of my own creative endeavors, and there is no reason for me to wish him ill or harm.
Despite his faults, he's not really a bad guy.
However, someone is considered a friend not because of a lack of faults, or in spite of their faults, but because of their faults. (i.e. you decided they are faults that help make the person who they are, and so are not really faults per se, but quirks)
The past year has taught me many things, not the least of which is a vast re-examining of exactly what I can, will, and will not tolerate, overlook, and/or learn to work with in someone I consider a friend.
In the case above, recent events have shown me that there are certain faults that this person has that I am now fully aware of, where I was not before, and that they are ones I am not willing to tolerate in someone whom I would consider a friend.
Now, that said.... having re-examined certain things after said recent events, I concluded that I no longer wished to be in a friendship with this person.
When I encountered this person at con, it was made clear that our friendship was now null and void, and why.
What I ultimately took away from that meeting, however, was a vast amusement at the fact that he seems to think it's because of some grudge I have because of these recent events, when in reality all I did was make a conclusion based upon my (now) past experiences.
I'm too old for petty bullshit. It's not worth the time, effort and negative energies in my OWN life to deal with. So I don't anymore, if I can at all avoid it. And, how do I avoid it?
I LEARN.
From EXPERIENCE.
When I do something, and/or something happens, I make a note of the result and how it affects me. When enough times the result is negative, I learn to NOT do and/or NOT be around whatever it is that gave me the negative result.
Put simply: When you do x, and y happens, that's one thing.
When you do x multiple times, and y is the result EVERY time, then experience says.... yup, you guessed it: x = y
So, if I do something to try and help, and it gets misread/ignored and promptly blown up in my face, with me coming out the bad guy somehow... I get upset. Understandable, but not necessarily friendship ending, right? Right.
But, when that same person time and again misreads/ignores things which leads to more negative results, it's not hard to see the pattern that emerges. When those results are large enough, it's even easier to use 20/20 hindsight to see that which you had previously missed.
Now, even through all of that, that's not necessarily friendship ending because- it could be that that's just the way the person is. They aren't trying to cause you negativity, it's just that how they are interacts with how you are in a negative way. Sometimes, all that is required is for one or both parties to adjust a little bit...
For example, in high school I was friends with a girl who was one of "those" people. The ones gamers can't stand because "they KNEW someone who did D&D and couldn't separate fiction from reality," and thus believe that everyone who plays D&D is like that, and that therefore D&D must be evil. The reason our friendship worked is because once that negative interaction was experienced, we both agreed that the topic just wouldn't come up. I didn't mention my gaming, and she didn't mention her bad opinion of it, and we got along great.
It ultimately breaks down to one or both parties having to decide if it is not only possible to come to some sort of adjustment, but if it is even worth it.
In the case I've been talking about in this post, however... When I examined the cause and effect of the negative interactions between our personalities, I decided not only was it not possible, but that even if it were, it was no longer worth it to me to bother trying.
I don't wish him any ill will or harm or anything, it's merely that experience has shown me that I just no longer wish to interact with him as a friend, or consider him such.
That's not a grudge, that's learning from experience, pure and simple.
Right... so... now that I've got that out of the way, I'm going to go wander around the house looking at the tv, my art desk, my ships, and who knows what else for the next 20-30 minutes hopelessly lost on what to do, thereby accomplishing absolutely nothing, at which point I will likely decide to go to bed since I've "got nothing else better to do."
Laters.
current mood: Instructive
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| Sunday, October 4th, 2009
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5:21 am - The Annual Update! And... Stuff...
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Yup, you guessed it- it's some stupid early hour and I can't sleep, so here I am. And as I've written this entry about a thousand times since Con in my head, it should be a fairly short entry, LOL.
Let's see, where should I start?
DragonCon, probably. It was, by far, one of the BEST I've ever been to. The ONLY thing missing was my husband. Sooo many things... so little I can say, haha. Well, okay, that's not really true. There's a lot I can say... It's just that probably a good half of it is about the few things I am not really at liberty to discuss. Or at least, nothing I'm willing to discuss here... *evil wicked grin* Well... Yet. I may do some extremely broad generalizations later, but not tonight.
Anywho, it was an extremely good con. Only missed running into one person, but he lives in town so I'm not that worried about it. Everyone else though, I got to hang out with for a good bit, which was a nice change. Usually, I find one or two people and that's who I'm with almost the whole con. This time, though, I was able to hang out with pretty much all of my friends for more than just a few minutes, which was AWESOME.
My roommate, bless his heart for letting me stay with him and the others, and I were FINALLY able to sit down and have a real, actual conversation. A couple of times, actually. There's only so much you can say over bits of email, so it was nice to get the chance to really talk face to face and get to know each other a bit better. Scotch and all, LOL. The only real downside is that it made me wish I had more friends like him here where I live, but... meh... I feel like after every DC, so.. yeah.
I was able to complete my TOS cast set, as Shatner was there and I was able to get his autograph... completed my dad's farscape postcard set, too, and am now only 1 signature shy of a complete B5 cast pic.... Got Roger Rabbit's autograph, had the guys from GH and GHI sign my badge this year, and got probably one of my fav autographs to date in Ron Glass JUST for the "(I'm here damnit!)" that is part of said autograph!
The one incident I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with I did, but that's alright. At least it is over with, even if he does think I have a grudge against him.. which is STUPID, as that is SO NOT the case.... But I'll touch on the whole "grudge vs. experience" thing in a later post as I don't feel like dealing with that right at this moment. But I will... Oh yes.. I will, that I can assure you.
I made the drum circle for more than a couple of minutes this year as well, something I haven't done in a few... and it was INCREDIBLE. The lighting SUCKED (stupid hotel staff), but OMG, there was a saxophonist that just... GOT it. And he blended so beautifully with the drums it was simply trance inducing... Lighting aside, by far the BEST drum circle I've ever been to. (well, okay, maybe it's tied for first place- after all, it's hard to beat a little one drum impromptu circle at 11:30 at night just outside THE Notre Dame cathedral, lol)
There were a couple of other things that happened, GOOD things, but... yeah, not going there right now.
Though, you know that look that fathers give their daughters when said daughter and her friend are giggling horribly, and it's that "what are you two giggling about that I'm not aware of but should be?" look... I have never, in all my years of life, NEVER gotten that look before.
Until this year at con. Considering who it came from and who I was giggling with, it was particularly funny. Although, and I'm sure Ojiikun can attest to this, there ARE certain other factors that for me, make it even more hysterically funny than it would otherwise normally be. But, that'll have to be our little inside joke....
Um.... let's see... that pretty much covers it, I think. I'm sure I was going to add some more stuff, but I'm actually starting to wind down a bit, so.... I think I'm gonna end it here.
Laters.
current mood:  happy
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| Friday, August 14th, 2009
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3:38 am - Updates and Other Musings
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First update, is that I've been able to find a way to make it to Con. Which is going to be awesome, as always. It's a shame the husband won't be able to make it with me... but I know he'll be there in spirit. :) And as long as I can get the autographs I need, I can consider it a success. (It's always a success when I can go and hang with my friends, but there are a couple guests this year that are the whole reason I found a way to go. Anyway....)
Second update... I'm slowly working on my creative projects... But.. OMG, I just have so many. My creativity is being pulled in so many directions at once, it's crazy. If I can just finish a few of the "terminal" projects I've got on my plate, and NOT replace them with NEW projects, I think that will do a lot to help. I'm slowly working on those... the Orc, the Dark Elves, the secret custom heroclix team... once those are painted, and done... they are DONE. Over. Scratched off of my "to do" list. And they are getting there. Little by little. I like the way they are going, but I will be really happy when they are done.
Work is still going really well. Made team lead this week, goes effective like, the 16th, I think.. so I must be doing SOMEthing right. Good news there.
The evening schedule is still got me all out of whack tho. I mean, I LOVE it... but it throws a serious crimp in things like dinner at a consistent, REASONABLE hour... and my poor husband hasn't found a job yet, so his sleeping pattern is inching ever closer to mine, which is probably not the best thing in the world...
Overall though, I'm still happy where I am work-wise. I love my job, the people I work with are great, and the hours play right into my natural cycle, so all in all... Job happiness. :D
I've got my theme for my costume figured out, finally, thanks to my wonderful husband. Sooo... That is something I may start work on here soon. Tradition holds that I don't do it until the tuesday or wednesday before I leave (which is thursday), but he's right- there is a bit more sewing to this one this year than normal, so I might have to break tradition to make sure it's done and done right before con. Especially since the bulk of the costume is limited in supply, which means not much room for messing up.. But still in all, it should be fine. Different than usual, but fine nonetheless.
Let's see... what else is there? Oh.. School.
No, I'm not back in school, but I'm looking into it. Once the husband finds a job, we're thinking about sending me back... Should be fun this time around. I'll be there because I want to be, not because I feel somehow obligated to go. I think that may have been a big factor in what happened with me getting burned out last time. I felt like I kind of HAD to go, even though I did want to.. and also, I was never 100% sure WHAT I wanted to do. Graphic design was cool, until I had a teacher who just ruined it for me (too bad I had her BEFORE the awesome one who could probably have made me stick with it)... and nothing else seemed to really speak to me. Art was a lot of fun and stuff, but when even that becomes too much trouble, you know it's time to hang up the hat.
This time though... I think I could really do it. The chemistry still scares me a little, because it soundly kicked my ass in high school, but I'd definitely be willing to give it another go. It wasn't that I didn't like it... it just kicked my ass, lol.
But I did a little research the other night, and... O.M.G.
I'll have to look into getting some kind of financial aid. I really don't think there will be a way around it because for what I'm looking at going for.... it's really expensive. BUT, if I can do it, and can stick with it.. I'll end up with a degree. A real, honest to gods degree. And in something totally COOL.
Crime Scene Technology.
Yup- forensics!
AND, there are two schools that are actually NEAR here that have programs I like. One IN town, and the other just a hair south of where my parents live. Effectively- Local. Big bonus there. One I can even do specializations as well. Things like Toxicology and stuff like that.
But we'll see. That's after the first of the year at that absolute earliest. Still, it's always a good idea to look ahead, right?
Right.
Well, anyway... that's about all for now. I'm gonna go... do... something. Probably watch a chick flick or something. I dunno.
Anyway... Laters!
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| Saturday, July 11th, 2009
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8:40 am - So... We've Decided....
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If/when they introduce Green Lantern in a movie... should they do Guy Gardner for ANY reason, if they don't cast Danny Bonaduce to play Guy, it's just not worth it.
And I think Ryan Reynolds would be a perfect fit for Kyle, as opposed to Hal (who he is supposedly up for atm).
And Nathan Fillion for Hal.
Still working on a good John Stewart, and will update when we figure someone out. :D
Suggestions are welcome, of course!
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| Monday, June 29th, 2009
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5:10 am - Ok. Fucking Seriously....
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The ONLY thing Michael Jackson's death did was end the triad. That's it.
I mean, come on folks- is it really THAT hard to believe that someone who started out a black guy and ended up a white woman due to copious amounts of plastic surgery and the gods alone know what else is dead "this soon"? This soon??? Took too young??? Before his time???
What are you people smoking?
It's a miracle his face hasn't fallen off by now! The fact that he's dead really shouldn't shock anyone at this point.
For starters, he was 50. I'm not going to say he was old, because I know plenty of people in that age range who I wouldn't consider "old" but I will say he wasn't exactly a spring chicken either. He's had his time in the spotlight. He wasn't some amazing up and coming star whose life was "tragically cut short before he could really shine". James Dean or Heath Ledger he was most definitely NOT. He had his rise to fame, the height of his fame, and his fall from grace. He's entered into the realm of those who HAVE to stick to their old shit because their new shit just doesn't cut it anymore except to the most die-hard fans who can't admit when their idol has started to suck. (as opposed to those who have "retired" and choose to stick to their old stuff)
Hell, Billy Mays's death is what you SHOULD be talking about! I mean, come on- what in that airplane could he possibly have hit his head on hard enough to make him die of it the next day (assuming initial theories are even close)? THERE'S something worth talking about.
I get mourning the death of a great talent and all, I do. To a point. But, acting like it's the end of the world? Get a fucking grip already.
He's dead. Deal with it, and move the fuck on.
And for the record, I'm sorry, but Farah's death was NOT "a tad" overshadowed- it was completely and utterly disregarded as soon as word got out about Michael, which is sad, pathetic, and entirely disrespectful. "Mourn Him. Mourn Her too." As if she was a fucking afterthought. Gods people piss me off.
For shame, people.
If you're going to act like it was the end of the world for Michael, then act like it's the end of the world for Farah too, because she earned it way more, and a lot sooner than he did.
current mood:  irritated
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| Monday, June 15th, 2009
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4:52 am - Finished.
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I had hoped by now to sit down and write my article on the much needed influx of dick in the world, but so far, the inspiration for it to be truly what i want just isn't here yet. Soon, though, I hope.
Instead, this time... There is something I need to get off my chest. I've said it to those closest to me, and to a few not so close, but still, it hangs on and gnaws at me. So I'm hoping that by letting it out here, as per status quo, I'll feel a lot better, and won't continue to rehash it over and over in my head. Sooo... that being said.....
I'm done.
Finished.
Excluding my parents, I can now count on one hand the number of people I will go to bat for 100% without question if I feel I need to, and still have a finger or two left over. My mate, my bro-in-law, W, and possibly one other. That's it.
Anyone else? Sorry, but I've lost the desire to care if you are attacked or go down in flames anymore. If I suspect something is going to happen, and especially if I KNOW something is going to happen, I'm not going to say shit.
And when you look at me because I'm not surprised, and ask me did I know... I will say yes.
And when you ask why I didn't say anything... I will say because I don't care. Because it isn't my business. Because it's not my place. But mostly, because I just don't care anymore.
I'm done caring.
I'm done protecting people who couldn't give a shit less what I'm trying to do for them. Who would rather say "thanks, I'm glad you got my back" to my face, but then turn around and call me a child behind my back for trying to protect or warn them, and who would rather get others involved that don't need to be just so that they can justify their panic. Who don't understand even simple things like the word PRIVATE.
I'm tired of finding out the in the hardest of ways just how many people I can't trust, and to what lengths they will go to show themselves to be the selfish, underhanded, manipulative and pathetic creatures they really are.
I'm tired of trying to watch out for people I consider friends, of trying to be the bigger person, and of trying to do what I think is the right thing by -again- people I consider friends, only to have it blow up in my face.
So if I've never gone to bat for you before, and I don't in the future, don't take it personally. It's not necessarily anything against you per se.
If I HAVE gone to bat or tried to watch out for you before, and you are not one of the aforementioned 3, then you've proven that my faith in you was misplaced, and since you either a- won't think you did anything wrong, and/or b- won't own up to it regardless, you are free to take it as personal as you like- I don't particularly care.
I've got enough drama in my life without having to deal with people who aren't worth the air they breath, and aren't worth putting my time and energy into.
Maybe that's why I believe in Jack so much. Granted, he may be fictional... but he's one of the very precious FEW who haven't let me down, betrayed me or tried to hurt me. And after the past 12 months.... people like Jack are in extremely short supply.
And really, that's what it breaks down to.
Ultimately, I'm tired of being surrounded by and believing in people who just aren't worth believing in.
current mood:  disappointed
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| Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
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10:38 pm - There Really Needs to be More Dick in the World [Teaser]
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That's right. You read correctly.
More to come later when I get the full "article" written. *grin* For now, have fun pondering.
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| Monday, May 18th, 2009
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8:01 am - Something Less... Ranty
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Okay, rant out of the way, how about a REAL update? yeah... I don't really care either, lol.
But still. Trying to keep my good energies up and the negative energies down, right.
So. Purple room is still clean. Has a few more things in it than I would like, but at the moment, there's not a whole lot I can do. BUT, it's all stacked neatly, so it keeps the room clean and looking neat, which is really the whole point. I DO need to figure out a more permanent solution to the shell picture than keeping it on the futon, but for now, it'll do. Eventually, I'll be able to find the shells I need to fix it, so I can give it back to my dad. He didn't show it much, but I know how hurt he was that it got damaged on the trip back so I really want to fix it for him. I just have to find the shells.
Anyway, got the purple room done. And have been able to KEEP it that way.
The office is once again neat and tidy. Well, almost. There's still a few more things that I've got to do something with, but not much, so I'm not too worried. It's still clean, and even putting stuff away doesn't seem to "clutter up" the closet or bookcase, so that's a HUGE plus. And a total moral victory for me. Now, If I can just get my desk... LOL.
Also, the living room is back to being almost spotless again. Well, as spotless as it will ever be with us, haha. But still, everything is picked up, and the only thing that could be considered perhaps a bit too cluttered, is the fireplace mantle, but nothing new ever gets added up there anymore, so it's all good and dandy. Even cleaned off the table between the couch and chair! Now, to keep it that way! :) I think we can do it, now that it's clean. We just have to watch ourselves. And fix it before it becomes TOO bad. *grin* So we just need to get some trash out, and pick up a few more things, and the living room will be done. So that's good. YAY.
The dining room... is the dining room. The bookcases are managed, and for the most part, there isn't a whole lot that ever gets added anymore, so that's good. And so far it's stayed that way since we got the worst areas mostly done a while back. Things have begun to collect on the bookshelf, but in some ways, that's why it's there. To help collect stuff so it doesn't collect in other places. (Plus, it's more prone to being cleaned and decluttered than probably just about any other place of consistent clutter in the house, so if we can keep the clutter THERE, so much the better.) Even the back room is still clean, once we take out the trash, and pick up some laundry we've got going.
I'm really proud of what we've done. I may not seem like much to some, and sometimes, it doesn't feel like a whole lot to me, but in reality, it's a lot more than we likely realize. And I'm proud of that. I'm proud of what all we have accomplished, and mostly proud of what we've KEPT accomplished. Even when it starts to backslide some, we've gotten better about stopping it at the least, and getting it back to being good at best, and that makes me happy. My personal areas still need work. A LOT of work. Like, ALL of it. But for US, for OUR areas, we've made a real improvement, even if others can't -or won't- see it, that gives me hope that one of these days, we -me especially- will be where we want to be, and that it's not just some crazy distant dream.
And I like that. I like being proud of us.
It's a good thing.
And, on that note, I think I'ma head to bed. Or... you know... something.
Laters!
current mood: happy
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3:10 am - Quietness... For Now.
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Well, I HAD planned on getting SOMEthing accomplished tonight. We see how well that went, lol.
I WAS going to try and create Widow's Hellrider costume (using the uberawesometastic CoH character generator). Yeah. Haven't so much as put my mouse over the icon. -though there is still time, I may putz around with that when I'm done here-
I WAS going to try my hand at designing a really cool Hellriders symbol so that we've got one to put on the t-shirt we want to make. Haven't so much as LOOKED at my sketchbook.
I THOUGHT about maybe working some more on page layouts for a special project I'm working on with a friend. See note about sketchbook above, lol. (though, to my credit, I've been getting a lot of that work done in the breakroom at work just before my shift starts)
I WAS going to putz around a little bit, then go to bed. I don't think I really need to add a note to this one...
What I DID manage to accomplish was clearing out a bunch of the deviations from people I watch on dA, before subsequently getting too tired to bother and deleting them ALL. AND, I got my new issue of Random Quotes up. And that's about pretty much it since I put the husband to bed about an hour ago.
On the plus side, though, things are for now quiet. Ish.
Haven't seen the baby, so that's good. (haven't seen the "father" but for two weeks early on, and haven't even HEARD from him since then -about a month and a half go now- which is bad as far as my husband is concerned). I've reached the point where I genuinely don't give a rats ass what happens to any of them, which is a relief in many ways. It's a weight that I don't have to bother with anymore, and very rarely stresses me at this point. Which is good for me. The negative energy where that whole mess is concerned is like, 98% GONE, yay, the stress over it all is virtually ALL gone as well, again- yay. My only thought in that direction at all anymore is that I hope the baby is a stronger person that its parents. Both of them. (though the mother in particular in this case). If not... oh well. There's nothing I can do, and truthfully, nothing I really want to do at this point. I did my best where the mother was concerned, but she's just proven to me too many times that she's too much of a two-faced manipulator who puts herself, an her own wants above anyone else -her husband included- for me to continue to invest any time or effort into any kind of relationship with her. Perhaps the child would be better off with me and my husband in its life, but perhaps not, as I know I would have too much of a conflict of interest where its mother is concerned.
As it sits right now, the baby doesn't exist, and they don't even enter my world. I like it that way. Less negative energy, less stress, and if the baby doesn't exist to me, it's less likely I'll get pissed at the destruction of an innocent life.
There is a lot I'm willing to do for other people. Even doing things for people I don't like because it would help someone else out more. But there is NO ONE outside my husband I am willing to help for any reason, if it means I'd be subjecting myself to someone who is out to try and ruin or cause strife in my marriage. Especially if they are doing it for kicks, some imagined "issue", or so that they can justify their own sad lives to make them feel better about themselves. So before anyone tried to give me crap about "not wanting to be there for the baby because it's not the baby's fault", keep that in mind.
Heh. That was cathartic. Dunno why I'm so surprised. It usually is.
Just needed to rant about something, I guess. You know, like usual. Certain things still aren't settled, and I'm not sure they ever will be at this point, because I am, sadly, too nice a person. I know it'll be a bit of a fight, and will -at this point- "re-open old wounds", so I'm kind of waiting for the right time to do it, to minimize the impact on us. Guess I figure if the timing's right, it'll go "well" and everything will be fine, but if not, things will go badly (with certain consequences I am not willing to go into right now). And, conveniently, every time I think I'm ready to say "fuck it, it's getting done", there always seems to be enough bad shit going on that I'm too scared to do it because as I said, I'm afraid that it'll make it go badly.
I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps it isn't the universe giving me some kind of test for me to learn to suck it up and do it anyway, and deal with whatever consequences there are (because as the old folk would say- it likely won't be anywhere near as bad as you're expecting), or a lesson in patience regarding picking and choosing your battles. OR, just to fuck with ME, as the universe does occasionally seem prone to doing, it's a lesson in learning not only when to pick and choose your battles, but when to quietly and secretly withdraw from a battle youre in, therein becoming the "bigger person" until such time as the battle can resume, or commence at a time and place of YOUR choosing.
Either way, I think that for now, I'm going to go the better part of valor route and bow out of the fight. For NOW. Besides, I've got the letter written, should I need it, and I'm prepared to stand my ground and take whatever comes at me from the use of an offense should this fight happen again, so I think I'm finally getting pretty comfortable with the idea of "letting it go." Again, like I said, at least for now. The trip wire will still be set, but as long as it isn't triggered, I think things will be... ok. Even if it is going to take a rather long time.
That's ok. I'm pretty patient. And when I'm not, it is usually seen to to teach me a good lesson about renewing said patience. :)
So now that all that's out of my system, and it's about 4 in the morning... I have no idea. I may go to bed, or try and do something productive. I dunno. Bed sounds good though. We'll see.
In any case, Later, ya'll.
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| Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
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11:05 am - I Think I Prefer Sudden...
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Death, that is.
My grandfather's been in the hospital, and yesterday, or rather, monday night was when I got the news that depending on how the tests turned out, they'd unhook everything and let him do his thing on wednesday. As we feared, the tests were not good, so as of tuesday night, the plan was to unhook things wednesday, and move him into the hospice wing of the hospital....
My mom called me about 30 minutes go.
He's gone.
In some ways, I wish he'd gone sooner, before "plans" had to be made. It's a tough enough blow as it is, but... knowing ahead of time that today (wed- I haven't gone to bed yet) they were going to unhook everything... and then knowing that it was happening today....
There's a difference between knowing that someone probably doesn't have much time left, and knowing WHEN(ish) it's going to happen. It's that knowing when ahead of time that kills you, because you not only have to deal with the impending death, but you've got that horrible anticipation of knowing it's about to happen to deal with as well. In some ways, that just makes it worse.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I've got the bathroom done and the pictures hung, so now... Now I don't know.
In case you're curious, I repainted our public bathroom. It's been something I'd been thinking about for a while, and with everything that was going on, I mentioned it to the husband. So when I got home tuesday night, and we went to wal-mart, I picked up some paint cards. Before we went to bed, we decided we liked on of the colors and that that was the one we'd go with. When I got to bed though, I couldn't sleep, and the dark just made things worse. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with it all, so about 3 in the morning, I went back up to wal-mart to pick up the paint, and proceeded to clean the walls and repaint til about 6. It was a coping mechanism more than anything, but I DID want a different color in there, and it's a really pretty shade we picked out. So tonight after the husband went to bed, I put on the second coat and did all the edges and trim and such. After it was all dry, I hung the few small pics that we wanted in there. I was about to hang the last one when my mom called.
I'm still not sure I want to deal with it just yet... but I know I have to eventually. I just don't think it's sunk in yet. And I can't make it out there (they're in houston) for the memorial service, so... I'm not quite sure when it will sink in fully.
Anyway, I guess that's all for now.
Later.
current mood:  blank
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| Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
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5:16 am - The Stupidity of Humans Never Ceases to Amaze Me....
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There is documented proof of chimp serial killers. Chimp serial killers that stalk their prey, scout and do recon on the villages their targets live in, and that deliberately and carefully choose their victims.
There is documented proof of chimps getting together to organize raiding parties to go into rival chimp areas to gang beat the crap out of whatever rival chimp they find.
These are all well-known, documented cases of premeditation to acts of violence and murder in chimps.
And THIS http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_sc/eu_sci_sweden_angry_chimp is what makes the scientists finally say "yup, chimps can plan ahead too."
current mood: ashamed to be human
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| Thursday, March 5th, 2009
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8:01 am - A Change In Perspective?
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I wonder if perhaps I have been going about things the wrong way.
See, I've always wanted to write a book. A real book. You know, a novel. A wonderful epic full of the fantasies that have always been in my head, full of myths and legends familiar, but somehow different than they usually are...
Well, I've never been able to get so much as an outline, let alone an idea for where to start or end up. And I can't think of anything that would allow me to do so, either. Oh sure, I know some of the characters. I've got plenty of little bits of story here and there with them all in it in one form or other. A good portion that could even be seen as contained stories in and of themselves. But, as for a place to start? A direction to go in? A way to connect them all into an actual whole story??
Nothing. Nada.
Then I met Linda.
(Linda Cowden, author of a book called "Grimmie" that is about the Grim Reaper. Awesome book, you should totally check it out.)
Well, okay, technically I met her last year a little bit at Ancient City Con.... But still. Since she hooked up with our friend, she's came to visit not long ago, which was cool, but it was this past weekend down at MegaCon that made me start to think.
Something she said to me, that was then.. reinforced by something she said in her book, really seemed to strike a chord with me.
I told her that one of these days I'd like to sit down and actually talk shop, like about how she went about writing her book and such... and while I know it's the truth, and while she was laughing and joking when she said it, something just... clicked.
She said, "Actually, it started when I was trying to learn how to write short stories... 500 pages later, you see how well that worked!"
Then, in the front of the book, she's talking a little bit about it and how each chapter is actually kind of a short story in and of itself. And while they are consecutive and have overreaching arcs, they can be read separately. (Granted they tend to flow a little bit more like actual chapters later in the book, but still. The idea is there.)
Then I was looking through Kimberly Raiser's book "Stranded" which is a collection of short stories, and in particular short, short stories. (another good read, btw)
And it made me think.
Maybe that's where I went wrong. I've been trying to write a novel one dis-jointed scrap at a time, with no clue how they were ever going to fit together. Maybe, what I need to do, is just focus on the little stories. Sure, some of them are consecutive, and in truth could be combined into one if I really felt the urge, but ultimately, what I write are short stories.
Maybe I should concentrate more on that. Not worry about how it could eventually fit into the "whole" someday, but accept it for the bit that it is. Each one unique and important in its own right for the story it has to tell. If they happen to be consecutive, and technically part of the same story, then great. If not, so be it.
Maybe that's what I should do for my detective story as well. Little episodic "case files" instead of some kind of connected novel. Then just collect all the ones pertaining to my original idea into one collection.
Certainly it will make my writings seem less... overwhelming with regards to their lack of context within the "bigger picture" of some novel.
...
I like that. And I think it just might work.
I feel better already.
Thanks Linda and Kimberly!
current mood: happy
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7:37 am - Plushies in Boxes! Plushies in Boxes!!
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Yeah, that's when you know you've hit that "so tired you've lost it" stage.
I was helping the store pack up stuff sunday night after the dealers hall closed and we got to one point and I asked what to do with the plushies... I was told to just fit them in boxes if I can. Which I could, so no problems there, but then my mind went all tired-goofy and I was like, that sounds like some kind of demented anime- Plushies in Boxes! Plushies in Boxes!!
Of course, it does lose a bit when you only read it, and can't HEAR how I say it, but still. You sort of get the idea.
...
I don't even know where I'm going with this. Guess I'm just looking for something to do.
Think I may go read a few of my old poems and stories and such. See if that doesn't inspire something or.. something...
Later.
current mood: blank
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| Friday, February 27th, 2009
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9:35 am - Yay, the Potatoes Are Done
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So, it's 4:40 am, and why am I blathering on about potatoes being done at this hour? Easy enough... For all intents and purposes, societal obligations (or lack thereof) aside, I'm basically a nocturnal creature. Always have been, always will be.
And, since I've no job, and no one is bothering to call back, my hours are pretty much on full "vamp" mode.
The fact that we'll be leaving in about 3 hours to head to orlando for megacon is just the factor that brings the potatoes into context this time.
See, I absolutely LOVE my crock-pot. And, since bringing and eating your own food at con is way cheaper than eating out all the time, I have decided that the best way to solve the issue is with a crock-pot. You can set it up, leave it all day, and bam- dinner! All you need is an outlet.
So, for con this time, I'm making pizza stew. It's a really simple recipe, but does require a teensy tiny bit of preparation.
In this case, grilling the chicken, cutting up the pepperoni, and cubing and boiling the potatoes.
I did the chicken and pepperoni earlier, but was tuckered out from all the running about we did today, and the cooking, and the finishing up of other stuff, that being on my feet for even another half hour was simply more than I could bear.
Soo... I watched some world's dumbest, relaxed a bit, watched some speeders, some more world's dumbest, then decided, FINALLY, to go shave (i'd been putting that off too, and I have YET to straighten my hair...). And once that was done, I watched some more world's dumbest, until I felt like checking my online stuff. Well, a little bit of it anyway.
Then I finally decided it was now or never, so I went ahead and went to work on the potatoes, so that I can have them ready to go into the cooler when we leave. *mental note- add cheese to list of stuff to not forget*
Thus, why I'm up at 4 in the morning boiling potatoes.
Technically, I don't really have to, but to ensure that they will be done all the way through, it's a little prep time that goes a long way. And it's not that I minded. I was just being lazy.
You know, like normal.
Now I'm just waiting for them to cool down enough to plop them all into a ziplock bag to put in the fridge until it's time to get all the stuff together and head out.
Should be a fun weekend.
It better, since it could very well be the only con we can make (and the only reason we're able to is because we've got a friend that's coming with, helping make it super cheap for us -and him,too-).
But that's okay. We'll get to see Auntie Maim, and that will be total awesomeness!!!
Now, I'm off to do other stuff. Like get my non-suitcase stuff together. And find something to do that will keep my hands warm, since they always end up freezing whenever I'm on the computer for like, you know, ever. LOL.
Laters!
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2009
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7:50 am - Forehead, Meet Desk....
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*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
Make it stop!
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
It won't go AWAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*sound of forehead hitting desk*
*cries*
No sooner than I realized the damn song was no longer stuck in my head, it came back....
*cries some more*
*twitches, then breaks into song, with the hope of torturing others so that someone else can suffer with me*
Little shop,
Little shop o' horrors,
Little shop,
Little shop o' terror.......
It just keeps repeating... Over and over and over...............
*sound of forehead hitting desk one last time*
Help.
Please.
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| Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
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8:04 pm - Writer's Block: Animal Instinct
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| Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
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6:01 am - For This Week....
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This weeks gets to be a 'busy' week. Stuff to do and such just in general, and before the in-laws get here on friday. Run-down is as follows:
BACK ROOM
-area near the back door (all of about 15 minutes, really)
-stuff on and under the futon
-continue with the laundry (which I currently have going-if I'm going to be up late, might as well do something productive with the time, right?)
LIVING ROOM
-last minute pick-up stuff on thursday evening, since it's basically clean already from swapping out the tv's
PURPLE ROOM
-move "storage" box to back room under ac unit
-put away as many action figures, etc as possible on the new shelves (I'm hoping they get here before friday, since the site says eta is "by" friday EDIT: Blarg. Just rechecked that... it should be here between next monday, and next friday... guess the box will have to wait a little longer. Oh well. It won't get in the way anyhow, at least.)
-break down empty box, or find other use for it
-go through last two small boxes of stuff
-get out any last stuff for goodwill and trash
-move in futon once the rest of the room is cleaned out
BEDROOM
-floor, which is mostly clothes and such
-clean out drawers of non-clothes stuff so the clean laundry can go in without having to move stuff around
OFFICE
-last minute pick-ups and such
-a little bit more last minute organization
Then, once they get here on friday, aside from taking a trip to the commissary, the plan is apparently to fix the front door. Which is good, as it does need to be fixed... but, there's that part of me that is going to miss how much of a pain in the ass it is. As it stands, we know instantly when someone comes in, because you can't open or close it without making a ton of noise. Once they fix it, it'll be a hell of a lot easier to open and close, but I'm going to miss the odd feeling of security that noise provided.. Oh well. Whatever works, I guess. It pretty much just needs a new door jamb really. So, thankfully no one should have to pay for a new door. That's something at any rate....
Other than that, not much going on. Am in the mood to paint again, which is cool... but I'm going to have to pick up a thing or two of paint, and the black orcs have become infinitely harder to copy/touch up, as the green I used as their skin tone has vanished entirely, and I don't know if I can find a modern replacement for it. Oh well... we'll see. I'll probably do that tomorrow or wednesday.
And I have to decide on what I want to enter for the painting/model contest for MegaCon. Since it looks like we'll be going, and I do want to enter something. Just need to decide, and see if anything I want to enter needs to be done before then. I might, MIGHT, be able to get a dragon done, and the cage part figured out for my dragon wagon in time, but if I do, it'll be insanely tight... so we'll see.
In the meantime, I have regular orcs to finish/touch up, and stuff to do around the house. In addition to looking for a job... soo... It'll be a busy week or two, but that's fine with me. Now I just need to make sure my ass gets up at a reasonable hour from now on....
Anyway, that's all for now.
Later!
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
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5:48 am - A Productive Day
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Yes, it has indeed been productive. It may not look like it, as things are still a bit more strewn about and the dining table is infinitely more cluttered than when the day began, but we did actually get a lot accomplished.
The big tv from the in-laws that was in the back room waiting to be used is now in the living room, where it was always intended to go, on top of the bench, and the tv that was in the living room is now in the purple room on top of its stand, where it was intended to go.
Also, since we had to basically completely unload the entertainment center (which we have been using as a display area for stuff since none of our tvs will fit inside it), we went through it all and cleaned it out and off. Now, it's all back in order, decluttered, and with far less stuff on it than before.
Got a couple of boxes of trash to take out for all of our efforts. Also, just about all the currently known stuff that we intend to take to goodwill is now in the back of the Bat, so we can probably take care of that tomorrow at some point. Even MORE stuff out of the house. YAY!! *dances*
The christmas stuff box is put away into a closet, all my fig and model stuff has been put away in the dresser in the purple room (since the husband said I could have it for my crafty stuff, and I only sacrificed one drawer to keep sheets in for the futon that will be moving from the back room to the purple room once everything is ready), and we have room now in the back room to put the last box which will be a combination of stuff we are putting away for when we have kids and all my megablox dragon stuff. I'm going to see if I can get it all to fit in one, or at least mostly. Then it can go back where the big tv was, since we don't have a storage unit anymore. Which is fine, because we can't justify the cost, and we no longer have enough stuff to make it worth it.
I think our next "project" day will be the back room, specifically the area near the back door. It's gotten cluttered again, but with the tv gone and such, it should make a huge difference.
Then I'll probably work on the bookcase in the dining room again. It's getting more cluttered than I'd like, and I think I know where some of the stuff can be put on a more permanent basis. (Like the cards can go on the small bookcase we've dedicated to just that purpose here in the office.)
We are going to get the table tomorrow (wed) and the rest of the living room as well, I think. Then there's just a couple other small boxes in the purple room to go through, then it's just a matter of getting everything all nice and tidied up before the in-laws get here on the 21st. I'm HOPING to have my new bookshelf by then.
It's a nice open black and light oak unit that I am putting in the purple room for display pieces, just like the one in the office. That SHOULD get rid of the last big box in there, as I put stuff on display and go through and decide on some pieces to go to goodwill.
Soo.... overall, I'm in a good, happy place today. And I like that. It's a nice change of pace.
Later!
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| Friday, February 6th, 2009
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9:03 am - Blather.
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That's about all I'll probably be doing. Just blathering on about whatever. It's 4am and I just finished getting the new black curtains made and hung in the office. They aren't perfect, definitely not professional, and sort of unexpectedly flare out a tiny bit at the bottom, but they're ours. They're homemade, sewn by hand, and they look good. And, best of all, they aren't mounted a damn foot and a half above the f'n window. OMG, how I hated that. I'm sooooo glad the old curtains are down. Now I've just got to spackle a couple spots and paint over where the old curtain rod used to be, and we'll be good to go.
So, yay. I've at least managed to do SOMEthing this week that was particularly productive.
Tomorrow is "Clean and vacuum the living room" day. Shouldn't take us very long. It'll probably take longer to vacuum than to pick stuff up. But we'll see. It won't be that bad. Then I'll come in and pick up the office, too. Got it all clean and stuff, want to try and keep it that way.
I think the metal trashcan that I rescued from, ironically, the trash, is going to be either for the "public" bathroom, or for my art desk/computer desk area. I haven't decided yet. It's a nice trashcan though. All stainless steel, with a removable bin inside (complete with handle!), and the little foot thing that makes the lid go up. I found it in the trash when I went to help the husband take the trash to the curb. I guess the roommate either didn't need it, or decided that since it has a dent in the lid, it's no good. Whatever. Mine now. It doesn't leak, the bin inside's still in perfect condition, and the pedal still works perfectly. The ONLY thing wrong with it is the dent in the lid on top. I hate it when people throw away things like that that are still in perfect working order just because of some stupid shallow reason. Oh well. At least it has a good home now.
...
Blah. I need to head to bed. Finally starting to get tired, and I'm tired of being alone with my thoughts. There's a poison running through my energies that I can't shake and it's really wearing on me with everything else that's going on. I'm hoping that will change in a couple of weeks, but we'll see (part of that aforementioned "drama").
Anyway, it shouldn't take me long to fall asleep for a change, so I'll catch up with ya'll later.
Night.
current mood:  tired
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